I am smack dab in the middle of the mess. The mess of hearing a calling but making a living. The mess of feeling stuck and wanting more. The mess of not knowing what the ending looks like. (And I HATE that!) The mess of mid life. In less than a month, yours truly turns 40. Midlife however has been sneaking up on me for the past year, year and a half. It’s the internal clock ticking – what have you done with your life that is really meaningful? What will be your legacy? You know you don’t have much longer here. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR TIME?? My internal voice is a bitch, yall.
I take comfort and solace in knowing I am not the only one who is going through these same questions, this same internal, intrinsic struggle. Read Brene Brown’s The Midlife Unraveling for some truth bombs. If you are in the mess, like me, have some tissues ready. I swear she can see inside your soul.
So what do we do with this mess? It’s not like our laundry pile that we can throw in our closet when company comes over…or is it? WARNING: There’s a term for that, and it’s called denial. No, we can’t hide it. We can’t run from it. We turn around and face it. We live in it. We get really comfortable with it. We get messy in the mess.
Ask the hard questions.
Write down your feelings. Better yet, write down your dreams.
Talk to friends. Talk to a professional. Be open, be vulnerable. You are NOT ALONE.
And then the fun part…take some risks. Say YES. Or maybe say more NO’s. Do what YOU have always wanted to do but were too scared / too timid / too tired / too wrapped up in taking care of everyone but yourself.
The risks are messy. And sometimes downright scary. But they also make your heart a little lighter and get your blood pumping again. And isn’t that why we started asking the questions in the first place?
I don’t know where this chapter ends, but I’m taking this risk of writing to encourage others. I’m saying YES to one of my dreams…without knowing how it ends.
It’s true, I may not have much longer here. But why not have some fun with it.